Lately I've been reminding myself on a daily basis, (sometimes on an hourly basis) that I wanted to become a mother. But I'm not sure I completely understood this contract before I signed on the dotted line.
See, as a young married couple we decided to wait two years before having children, although I would have been secretly overjoyed if we became pregnant during that time. THEN when we decided we were both ready the Lord wanted us to wait another two years...since then I've experienced both extremes of the fertility spectrum...from believing I'd never become pregnant to Mike and I not daring say the word aloud for fear I would become such by mere mention.
In 2002 I did the biggest double take you've ever seen, I didn't know those little sticks could come out positive! Words could not describe my joy! Fast forward 8 years and I'm wondering if I'll survive motherhood. The noise is deafening, the messes are endless, and the stress of keeping up with 4 little whirlwinds is overwhelming!
Did I really want this? Did I really want to be covered in spots and stains, with a baby crying at my feet while I debate with my son about how his homework is to be completed, fight with my daughter about showering, and keeping my other daughter aways from the scissors!? No, I didn't want any of that, but that's what I've got.
When I signed this contract I was dazzled by visions of rocking a pink-little cutie, bundled up soft and warm. Of course I had no idea what the hell people were talking about when they said this parenthood thing was the hardest job on earth. Now I do ... babies grow up and they become as stubborn and difficult as adults! They have their own ideas and they have trouble believing dear old mom might know what she's talking about...(sometimes I do!)
And the final irony...I have another baby, a pink-little cutie that wants nothing more than to be held ALL day and I can't do it. Not unless we want to eat off paper plates and buy new clothes every week instead of washing them. Hey, that might not be a bad idea, I love clothes shopping and hate doing the dishes!
Somehow I doubt the Hubby will go for it.
Oh well, I'll hang it there - somehow. Motherhood at this stage truly is taking it one day at a time and trying very hard not to strangle anyone. For now I think I'll go scream into a pillow, have a good cry, then go read my 4 pink-little cuties some stories.
I'll be okay ... I think. If you see my mascara running next time you see me, you'll know why. Motherhood is kicking my butt!
HARD!
Our Not-So-Little Family
